So its coming to summer again, which means, short skirts, shorts, sleaveless tops and bikini's which for me is a nightmare, i dont mind my body shape all to much i have curves all in the right places maybe a bit too much in some places and i have big enough boobs for a 16 year old girl. My problem revolves to whats on my arms, legs and stomach.
Being a self harmer for last 5 years or so can make your life very difficult and when half your family aint got a clue that you have these scars they can be hard to hide.
Showing them to the public doesn't fassel me i mean i seem them once (maybe twice if there lucky :P) in my life and they can form whatever judgement they like becuase i dont care.
Showing some of my friends is ok because there use to me having this problem and even a few have had it but gone passed it even though i've never been able too.
But showing my family is different, i dont get on with them anyway and since there part of the reason i do this to myself there a bit weary of what i might do.
My cousin constantly pushes me trying to drive me over the edge and she's even copied my self harming but she couldn't keep it up becuase "it hurt too much" but i like the pain. sounds a bit weird to you probably but its how i've coped since i was 11.
I dont know how to make them less visible, i tried bio oil last year and it worked well on my little scars but i have deeper ones aswell and it just made them that slight bit smaller. I need something better to help make them less visible to my family on holiday and when i'm not wearing long sleaves.
And something that i can learn to do instead, i've tried lots of things, punching pillows, thearapy(sp?), just screaming or breathng. the only thing that has ever worked is when i have someone like Dave, Ben, Nathean or Declan with me becasue they can litterally stop me with force.
I dont want one of my friends to become a constant minder of me thats just ruining there life aswell as mine. I would like an alternative but until one comes along that i can actually do and stick too well i guess i'll just have to keep covered.